Above The Weeping World
by SwallowTheSun
Summary: When the Promised Day goes disastrously wrong Edward finds himself clutching at straws to get his brother back, but then he finds himself in a world of caged people living in fear of horrific man-eating giants. With the help of Eren and co. he strives to save humanity once more and get his brother's body back, all while an evil lays dormant inside him, slowly consuming him.
1. Chapter 1: New World Shadows

**Hello everyone, SwallowTheSun here with a new story.**

 **Now I know crossover fics target a very specific audience so I'm not expecting a whole lot of feedback from this, so I ask that if you happen to stumble across this story, please review and tell me what you think. Do you like it? Is it terrible? If so how can I make it better?**

 **Like everyone I only strive to improve my writing and to enjoy the journey along the way, I hope you enjoy it as well.**

 **This story is set after the events of the Promised Day in Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, though you'll soon come to realise that in my story the Promised Day didn't quite go down the same way as it did in canon. I don't want to tell you exactly what happened just yet, just know that something went wrong.**

 **As for the AoT/SnK half of the story, well it quite obviously begins when Eren and gang have just arrive at the cadet training camp. I have decided to slightly change some aspects, the biggest one being that it has been five years since the Colossal Titan attacked Shiganshina so that Eren, Armin and Mikasa are roughly 15 when they begin training, not 12 as they are in canon. The reason for this is simply because I wanted Eren and Edward to be roughly the same age in this story since Edward is 16 by the events of the Promised Day.**

 **The first few chapters will primarily be in the pov's of FMA characters, this is only because they are the strangers in Eren's world and I need to lay the foundations of what they think of and how they act in this strange new world. Rest assured Eren and gang are just as important to this story as Edward and gang are.**

 **I am planning on ultimately pairing Edward and Winry, and Eren and Mikasa, keyword here being ultimately, doesn't necessarily mean they won't be paired with others during the story. Those pairings are subject to change though, as my SnK OTP is actually ErenxAnnie. If this story gets popular enough I may put a poll up for the pairings.**

 **SPOILERS: There will be a couple of spoilers from the manga of Attack on Titan, which are the Colossal and Armoured Titan's true identities, and Historia Reiss. These will be the only spoilers for now as it will be a while before this story reaches as far as the anime has gotten.  
** **You have been warned.**

 **A series of x's separating two paragraphs means that the setting has changed, either to a different character or location or time, etc.  
However a series of hashtags separating two paragraphs means that it is still in the same setting, but the point of view has changed to someone else in that setting.**

 **Please read and constructively criticize, comment on problems you find. Thank you.**

 **Flames will be ignored.**

 **I own neither Fullmetal Alchemist nor Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin.**

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 **Chapter 1: New World Shadows**

The hot morning sun beat down on the motley crew of mostly teenagers assembled before him. The gaunt faced man with darkened rings surrounding his soulless eyes stepped forward and roved his piercing gaze over all the applicants standing still in attention, ready and waiting for his introduction. Soulless eyes indeed, but he was not without soul. It pained him to see how young some of them looked, he had no doubt that most of them had joined the military to try and get a job as a police recruit deep within the walls of Sina and if not then they could still find relative safety in the Garrison Regiment, but even then the training they would be undergoing over the next three years was no joke.

The gaunt man cleared his throat, catching the attention of the front row who were close enough to hear him, before yelling out loud in a gruff voice, "Straighten those spines shitheads! Welcome to the 104th Cadet Corps Class entrance ceremony!" Yes, he was the typical rude and disrespectful drill sergeant, but they were the ones who got results. Time and time again had he seen trainee squads falter and dissipate because of weak-willed instructors and sympathetic superiors, and he refused to let this new batch of barely pubescent kids suffer from poor training, both mental and physical. Sympathy would only get these kids killed and he had seen enough of that for one lifetime.

"My name is Keith Shadis and I am will be your commandant during your time here, of which you _will_ despise!" he continued yelling, hoping to strike some fear into the hearts of these pathetic, hopeful teenagers. He was pleased to see several of them falter in their stance, fear was the predecessor of respect after all and if these kids were to survive the next three years of hellish training they would need to learn to respect him. There were a few whose expression or stance did not change at all though, the instructor internally smirked, those must be either the idiots or the ones who'd already been through hell. The latter would be the ones who would graduate in the top 10 and be eligible to join the Military Police Brigade, they always were.

The commandant continued to shout, "Training is gonna be hell on earth for you pathetic lice! Don't be surprised if you find yourself waking up in a cold sweat several years from now from nightmares of this place every night! Right now you're nothing! Food for the titans! But over the next three years you'll learn how to fight and destroy your own Goliath! Remember this moment when you come face to face with a titan, because then is where you will ask yourself: Am I a soldier of humanity?! Or am I pathetic little sniveling shit waiting to be eaten?! Will you be ground up in their jaws? Or will you take the bastard down with you?!"

#########

"Huh, remind you of anyone Al?" said the long golden haired boy to the massive suit of armour standing to his left. The suit of armour laughed nervously while glancing to his left at the tall blonde woman with full pouty lips and a permanent scowl etched over her stern face. Her straight hair hung to her waist where it curled at the tips. She had a beautifully and meticulously crafted sword attached to her hip and she was one of the very few actual adults in the line-up. Suddenly her eyes snapped to the suit of armour and the glare that radiated from her deep blue eyes caused Al to focus straight ahead of him in a nervous sweat, well, if armour could sweat. The golden haired boy snickered at his brother's predicament before clutching his head as the blonde sky-blue-eyed girl to the right of him smacked it, "Stop making fun of your brother Ed!" she said heatedly.

Edward muttered something along the lines of, "I'm glad she didn't bring her wrench this time, this gearhead's gonna kill me one day," while rubbing his head. Unfortunately for him the girl that was roughly his own height heard him, and promptly smacked him again. "Ah! Winry!" Ed glared at the girl while she smirked back. He started muttering something under his breath before his expression turned serious, "It's not too late you know, you can still leave with the dropouts this afternoon, I'm sure the engineers in the Sinan Academy could use your… gear-headedness…" he said quietly while watching the commandant who had since left the stage and was now interrogating some poor blonde kid with large blue eyes and helmet hair.

Winry sighed, "Ed we've been over this, I won't stand idly by while my friends and fellow humans fight a war on my behalf, it was bad enough when all I could do was sit at home during the Promised Day, and from what we've seen and heard these titans are nothing compared to the homunculi so it won't be as dangerous. Besides," the girl reached over to rap her knuckles against his right arm through his red cloak, causing a faint ringing sound, "someone has to take care of you."

Ed growled, "Winry you're not an idiot so don't act like one! We have no idea what the titans are really like, and even if they are a walk in the park for us that doesn't mean that they will be for others. We're going to see some horrible things when we eventually fight them and I don't want you to be exposed to that kind of stuff! Al and I are used to it but you aren't and neither of us want to see you become a dog of the military!" Winry's eyes closed while her forehead twitched in anger, she was about to retort when the tall woman and only other adult in the line-up standing to the right of her interrupted, "He's right, you don't need to become a dog of war to help us, you've never seen conflict so no matter what skills you learn here you'll be useless to us on the frontlines, you'll be a liability we can't afford" she said impassively.

The tall woman wore a long white sleeveless collared-blouse with a flowing backside and form-fitting grey trousers. Her collar was open revealing her large cleavage and a blue tattoo on her left collarbone depicting a cross with a serpent coiled around it and a pair of wings and a crown above it. Her dark hair was worn in box braids pulled up in a messy ponytail with a few locks loose and resting in front of her face. She was very attractive and was deceptively young-looking for a woman approaching her forties and her tight clothing did little to hide her lithe, yet curvaceous body. Indeed, had Winry looked around she would have noticed that many of the boy's eyes, and some of the girl's, were roving up and down the tall woman besides her.

But she noticed none of this as her eyes watered slightly at the woman's harsh words, she'd never been so hurt at someone's words before. Her wounded thoughts were interrupted as she heard the boy next to her speak her name quietly, she glanced up at him, hoping and expecting for some words of support and encouragement, meeting with Edwards' intense golden-eyed stare that had many a time sent her into a trance, but this time no kind words flowed out of Edward's mouth and her trance was broken when he roughly grabbed one her wrists and pulled it up to her face.

His following words cut far deeper than Izumi's ever had, "Remember when I told you what these hands were for? They're for creating not for destroying, but if you join military they'll only be for destroying. If you are so determined to join the military you need to learn how to destroy." Ed dropped her hands and stared at her intently, ignoring her watery eyes as he continued his onslaught, "Your parents and Pinako raised you to be a gentle spirit but the military is going to crush that spirit. You'll have to forget what they taught you and abandon their morals if you come with us." He said harshly, while tears now slipped down her face.

"Winry," he said, catching her attention again, "I promised you that your next tears would be those of joy when Al and I got our bodies back, I just broke it… you're going to have to break a lot of promises, both to yourself and to others, if you want to survive here." Winry looked down again as fresh tears sprung to her eyes before she felt a gloved hand grasp her chin and her face towards its owner before gently wiping away her tears, an action that would have sent her heart fluttering in her chest and her cheeks to blossom with red in any other situation. She came face to face with that golden stare again as he spoke, "I mean it Winry, toughen up," he said with a tone of finality before dropping his hand and focusing straight ahead of him as the commandant continued down the line in front of them.

As Winry's faint sobs continued Al quietly whispered to his brother, "Don't you think that was a bit much brother? She's still our friend," Ed sighed, "I know Al and it kills me to do this, but she needs to learn how to be tough if she's so adamant on joining us in this war. There's no time for anything but tough love," He said quietly not wanting Winry to hear. "Ah so you're saying that you _do_ love her" Al said with a chuckle in his voice. The golden haired boy blushed furiously before banging his fist against his brother's breastplate, "Shut up Al! It's just an expression!" he said through gritted teeth while staring straight down to hide his blush. Al's chuckles grew louder at Ed's reaction before he noticed that the commandant had started on the line that they were in, at which point he grew serious and stared straight ahead.

#########

The commandant finished yelling at some horse-face kid with light brown hair that was shorter on the sides before continuing on the next victim of his abuse, a noticeably short blonde girl with a prominent nose and pointed chin. He stared into her pale blue eyes before moving on to the next cadet without a word, he could tell she had seen it, the horrors that had already forged her soul and temperament into iron will. She required no discipline. The next cadet was a medium height girl with long raven hair and dark expressionless eyes. She wore a crimson scarf and there were obvious traits of the orient in her face. The commandant's eyes widened slightly, she must be Grisha's adopted daughter, which meant that the determined looking boy with dark brown, almost black hair and teal-green eyes standing next to her must be Grisha's son. The commandant again moved on, they had lived in Shiganshina, they had seen it too.

Next up was a tall tanned brunette with narrow apathetic eyes and freckles dusting her cheeks, the commandant moved on, a large well-built kid with short spiky blonde hair and a tall slender dark-haired kid with an elongated face, the commandant moved on. This row seemed to be full of those who had seen it, the commandant noticed. He came upon a woman with braided hair and tight clothing, he frowned; she was not saluting. She may be one of the few adults in the class, and a glance at her eyes told him that she needed no intimidation, but she couldn't get away with this blatant lack of respect.

The commandant stopped and looked her up and down, noticing the slopes of her breasts on display for all to see. He glanced up again and glared at her, "Where's your salute _whore_!" he yelled, noticing the sparkle in her eyes at the mention of the last word. The woman smirked before replying, "Most probably stuck up your backside, along with your head, sir!" Several gasps arose from the cadets surrounding them, as well as a few snickers. The commandant narrowed his soulless eyes, though internally he was smiling. Though he was her superior she took no flak from others, a respectable trait.

He stared into her eyes again and saw it, the fear and the agony, the same traits that all the others who had seen evil in action had. But there was something else… Guilt, there was a terrible guilt in her eyes. No, this woman may have seen titans before, but she had also seen something far, far worse. Something she was the cause of. The commandant frowned; what, if not titans, could have caused this tragedy in her life?

He quickly moved on from those thoughts though, whatever her past was it was obvious that she needed no discipline. However he couldn't let such blatant disrespect go unpunished, what kind of example would that be setting for the rest of the cadets? The commandant narrowed his eyes, "What's your name?" The woman, whose smirk had long since faded, replied, "Izumi Curtis, from the Quinta District, sir!" The commandant paused, Quinta was one of the Districts along Wall Maria, the northern one, they would have been the last to get word of the titans when Shiganshina fell, survivors from those regions were very rare... "And which regiment are you planning to join?" he asked ominously, not because the question was ominous, but rather because everything he said sounded ominous.

"The Scout Regiment sir!" the woman shouted, causing the commandant's eyebrows to rise in surprise. She had seen the titans and yet she _still_ wanted to go out there and fight them? Admirable, very admirable… But she had still been disrespectful. "Izumi Curtis! You are to run laps around the campsite until sundown! Do you understand?!" The braided woman nodded and shouted, "Yes, sir!" before pushing her way through the cadets and setting off at a brisk, yet maintainable pace. The commandant smiled, she was a respectable woman, she understood the necessity for her punishment, probably even before she had disrespected him, but that didn't stop her from standing up for herself, a very respectable woman indeed.

The commandant moved on and glanced down at a sniveling girl who didn't meet his penetrating gaze. She had long blonde hair and had several rings in her ears, and when he cleared his throat causing her to look up at him he noticed she had piercing blue eyes, which were reddened with tears. Her eyes suddenly widened and she hastily performed the standard salute, it wasn't perfect he noticed, as if she had learnt it in a rush only a few days ago, but it was good enough. Her eyes told her that she had not seen it; indeed the tear marks down her cheeks and her runny nose told him all he needed to know about her. She was weak.

"What's your name, girl?" the commandant spat out, as if she were worse than the worms underneath the ground upon which they stood. The girl jumped a bit at his sudden question before tentatively replying, "W-winry Rockbell, sir…" The commandant raised an eyebrow, Rockbell? He'd never heard that name before. "Rockbell?! What kind of stupid name is that?!" Winry's eyes widened, "I-it was m-my father's name, sir!" "Hmph, I can only imagine what kind of weakling your father must be with a name like that." The girl recoiled in horror and fresh tears rose to her eyes, yet the commandant continued his onslaught, "And what whore could love this weakling so much that she birthed a pathetic waste of life like you with him?" he said maliciously. The girl's eyes widened even further, before narrowing in fury. She took a step forward and brought her hand up, ready to bring it across his face, but she was beaten to it by a white-gloved fist followed by a red-coated arm that drove into the commandant's face with the force of a cannon.

Almost every cadet gasped as the commandant recoiled and stepped back as blood sprayed into the air and coated the culprit's face, enhancing the golden-haired kid's feral look as his golden eyes flashed with rage. "Don't you _dare_ talk about her parents like that! They were some of the greatest people I have ever known!" the kid said angrily. The commandant reached up to his nose and cracked it back into place, causing a fresh stream of blood to run out through his nostrils and for several cadets to gasp at his lack of expression while doing so, before spitting a loose tooth out onto the ground. He then stared at the kid who had dared to hit him impassively, though on the inside he was reeling in shock. The kid was fast, _very_ fast, Shadis was a veteran soldier and yet he still hadn't seen the fist until it was colliding with his nose. Not to mention he packed one hell of a punch, what the hell was his fist made of… metal?! Shadis absolutely did not realise the irony of his thoughts.

The commandant then noticed what the kid had said, he had said that Rockbell's parents _were_ some of the greatest people he had ever known, implying that they were dead. He grimaced, he did not like speaking ill of the dead but the damage was done, there was no use apologizing now. Instead he focused on the short teenager who had attacked him, ready to unleash hell. "And who the hell are you kid?" he said quietly, the blood streaming down his face only enhancing his ominous face. But the teenager did not appear to be affected by his terrifying gaze in the slightest.

Indeed he simply replied, "Edward Elric, Quinta District, wanting to join the Scouting Legion, and the 'kid' who'll kick your ass if you say one more thing about Winry's parents!" His golden eyes penetrating through the blood that was slashed across his face radiated fury and determination as he raised his bloodstained white-gloved fist in defiance. Shadis' eyes widened considerably at the boy's proclamation; that was it, this kid was too defiant for the military, he couldn't be taught, Shadis would send him back. He was about to tell him so when suddenly a tall long-haired blonde woman grasped the kid's shoulder causing him to spin around and confront her. Shadis and the rest of the cadets looked on in shock as the woman sent a gloved fist into the kid's solar plexus, causing him to bend over and gasp as he retched, the woman then clasped both her hands behind his head before raising her knee and driving it into his face.

The boy crumpled to the ground, still heaving and retching when the woman placed her boot on his chest and twisted causing the boy to groan in pain. "Had enough Fullmetal?" she asked in an ominously calm voice as she continued grinding her heel into his sternum. The boy wheezed before finally catching his breath and nodding, at which point the woman lifted her foot off of him and then held out her hand to help him up. When the kid was standing again the woman turned to face the commandant before slamming her right fist into her chest and her left fist into the small of her back in the traditional salute.

"I apologise for Edward's behavior sir! I will make sure he never treats his superiors with such disrespect again! Please punish him in any way you see fit sir! I only ask that you do not send him home for he has none to return to!" Shadis' eyes widened considerably, this woman definitely had military experience and her salute was perfect. He noticed the scabbard hanging from her waist and although he had no idea where she was from or what the customs were there, he could tell that the sword wasn't just for decoration. He glanced up at her again and spoke, "What is your name?" "I am Olivier Mira Armstrong, from Quinta, I am planning to join the Scouts!" she shouted back in reply.

The commandant nodded, another one from Quinta, he thought to himself. So Izumi, Winry, Edward and Olivier were all from that abandoned district were they? He glanced at the hulking armoured knight who was now checking on Edward, along with Winry. Judging by the strange symbol on his pauldron, the same symbol as the one on the back of Edward's red cloak and the collarbone of Izumi, it was easy to surmise that these people were all acquaintances. He stepped forward, passing Olivier before stopping in front of Edward. "You will join Izumi Curtis and you will be denied supper tonight, one more act of disobedience and you'll be sent to the fields, got it?" he said in a no-nonsense tone to which the golden haired boy replied with a scowl until he saw the glowering blonde woman behind Shadis. He reluctantly nodded before stretching and wiping the blood from his face and then pushing through the cadets to join Izumi around the track. "And no talking!" Shadis yelled when he saw the boy open his mouth to say something to the older woman jogging alongside him. The boy scowled again.

Shadis then turned towards Winry who was sniffling now, her rage having dissipated after Edward hit her tormentor. "Rockbell," he said quietly, catching the blonde's attention, "How did your parents die?" he asked, noticing the anger that flashed through her eyes at his question. "They were medics on the frontline…" That was all the commandant needed to know, he nodded before clasping her shoulder, causing her to look up in surprise, "I will teach you to avenge them" he said simply, not realizing that it wasn't titans that had killed her parents. But the message was the same and Winry nodded, that was as much of an apology she could expect from the stern-faced man.

The commandant moved on before coming face to face, or rather face to chest with the gigantic knight. He had been waiting to see what the deal was with the armoured cadet ever since he had seen him during his introduction. He was hard to miss after all. He glanced up into the visor as the armoured cadet saluted and was confused to see no trace of his eyes in the narrow slits that served as his eyeholes. "What is your name cadet?" he asked suspiciously, "Alphonse Elric sir! From Quinta and also hoping to join the Scouts, sir!" the suit of armour proclaimed in a shockingly high-pitched voice, to which the commandant recoiled slightly in surprise; he hadn't ever seen a woman this big before.

"Elric eh? You must be Edward Elric's sister then?" To his confusion the armoured knight chuckled nervously before replying, "No sir, I am his younger brother" much to the shock of the commandant and several cadets within hearing vicinity. Shadis narrowed his frightening eyes as he stared up at the visor, trying to get a glimpse of the boy behind. But to his disappointment he still couldn't make out a face within the shadows of the helmet. "Younger brother huh?" he said quietly, "Just how old are you Alphonse Elric?" The armoured knight again chuckled nervously before replying, "Fifteen, sir." Several exclamations of 'What?!" arose from the surrounding cadets along with one person shouting, "But his brother's so small!" Shadis could have sworn he heard a distant voice yelling something along the lines of, "Who are you calling so short you could mistake him for an-" before being cut off by what sounded like someone's hand being placed over the source of the noise.

"Pretty big for your age huh Alphonse…" the commandant said while continuing to stare up at him suspiciously, before suddenly issuing a command, "Take your helmet off cadet! I need to be able to identify you." To his surprise the cadet did nothing, only continued to stare straight ahead. Shadis narrowed his eyes, "Did you not hear me cadet? Take off your helmet now" he said again with a tone of finality. Still the armoured knight made no move. Shadis took a deep breath, ready to unleash hell on the disobedient cadet, but before he could make a sound the Armstrong woman, who had since returned to her position next to Alphonse spoke up, "If I may sir, Alphonse has a rare skin condition that requires him to be sheltered from the sun at all times. He suffers from extreme albinism and the sun could burn his skin in a matter of seconds. If you need medical proof I am sure we could arrange a private meeting after the drill in which we can supply the documents of proof" she said calmly and respectfully.

Shadis glared suspiciously at her before looking back at the armoured cadet, a few seconds passed as he pondered what Armstrong had said before nodding, "Very well, come see me after the drill you two" he said while addressing Alphonse and Armstrong. The armoured cadet breathed an audible sigh of relief, probably pleased he wouldn't be forced to burn himself just yet, Shadis reckoned. The commandant moved on past Olivier, who had already proven herself, before stopping at the next cadet at the end of the line. He was a short boy with a very finely shaved head, and he somehow failed to notice the grim, blood soaked face of the commandant in front of him as he stared off to his left.

When he finally noticed who was in front of him he jumped slightly, startled, before performing the traditional military salute, only he got his hands mixed up. With his left hand over his right breast and his right hand curled behind his back he gazed nervously up at the commandant before something to his left caught his attention once again. Shadis noticed this and turned his head to see what the boy had seen only to find Izumi and Edward passing them by as they continued their laps. It had only been a split second but the commandant saw what had distracted the cadet before him. Indeed Izumi's clothing, which was already downright scandalous, was not designed for running and as such there wasn't much to keep certain assets of hers from bouncing with each footfall.

The commandant turned back with a soul-piercing glare before grabbing the small boy's head between his hands and lifting him into the air. "So you'd rather look at women than fight for your country you little shit?!" he yelled, spittle and blood coating the poor boy's face. "N-no s-sir!" the boy replied in fear. Shadis applied more pressure to his vice-like grip, causing the shaved boy to grimace in pain, before asking, "Your name worm?!"

"C-connie Springer from R-ragako Village s-sir, o-on the south side of Wall Rose!" the boy groaned out, hoping to appease the commandant somehow, unfortunately the sinister man applied even more pressure, "You have it backwards Connie Springer, the salute was the first thing you were taught, it represents the resolve in your heart to fight on the frontlines against the complete obliteration of our people!" The commandant yelled, "Is your heart on your right side?!" more spittle flew out of the sinister man's mouth as he roared into the quivering cadet's face. Suddenly a loud chomping sound echoed through the area, causing the commandant to glance at the source. What he saw widened his eyes and he promptly dropped Connie on his arse before heading towards the girl with aubergine-coloured hair who was eating a baked potato.

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"Man," the shaved boy said as he watched the three joggers lapping the courtyard, "I thought Shadis was gonna kill that blonde kid, potato girl as well." "I know," said a medium height boy with dark brown hair that fell just past his ears and soulful green eyes while chuckling, "Potato girl seemed far more devastated when she learnt that she'd have to miss dinner than when she was told to run until sundown." The others present; a slender, pretty girl with grey eyes and black hair tied in loose pigtails, a tall boy with short parted black hair and freckles, and Connie, all laughed at Eren's statement.

There was one there who didn't laugh though, Eren's childhood friend, and when Eren turned to look at him he noticed that the blonde genius was staring at the golden haired kid with a frown on his face. Eren waved his hand in front of his friend's face, catching the blonde's attention. "What's up Armin? What're you looking at?" he asked. Armin turned his head back to staring at the golden haired kid before asking, "Did any of you see that guy attack Mr. Shadis?" Eren glanced at his new friends whose faces mirrored his confusion, "Yeah Armin, we were all there, guy's nuts, attacking a superior like that."

"That's exactly my point! Mr. Shadis is a veteran soldier; he was the commander of the Scouting Legion for 10 years for god's sake! His instincts must be incredible and yet that guy still managed to hit him, and hit him hard. Did any of you actually see him attack Shadis? I mean did you actually see his movements?" Armin said. Connie, who had been closest to the conflict, frowned, "You know, now that you mention it, it happened in the blink of an eye…" Armin nodded, "His speed must be phenomenal for him to be able to catch Shadis off guard like that, and that's not all, I don't mean to offend you but I doubt any of us could run as long as they have without looking like Sasha," the group turned their heads to look at Sasha, who was basically dragging her feet across the ground at this point, "Now look at Edward" Armin said.

The group turned to look at the kid in question and the tall, lean woman jogging by his side. He was barely sweating, and the woman looked as fresh as she had this morning. Eren turned to Armin, "So the guy's fit and knows how to fight, what of it Armin?" "Ms. Curtis is an adult woman who obviously keeps herself in shape so it's not surprising that she's not tired, but Edward can't be any older than us and after that beating he took from that Armstrong woman he shouldn't have been able to walk straight never mind run," Armin shot back.

The smart boy continued, "Also him and his brother, Ms. Curtis, the girl who Edward was defending and the Armstrong woman who beat him up all said they were from Quinta… We lived with Marian refugees for two years Eren, and I never once saw a Quintan, they were supposed to have been either all wiped out or stuck in their District in which case they would be long dead." Eren frowned, he had actually already noticed that, "Maybe there were Quintans in the more northerly refugee camps? Our settlement were mainly Shiganshinans like us and southerly Maria settlers," Eren said doubtfully, Quinta was supposed to have been one of those districts that had been cut off, separated from Wall Rose by the now titan infested Maria province. They didn't last long inside those high walls with no farmland and only dirty river water.

"Wait you guys are from Shiganshina? Oh man, what was it like? Did you see the Colossal Titan?" Connie asked with wide eyes while Mina and Marco both looked at him, startled at his lack of tactfulness. "Yeah, yeah we saw it…" Eren said quietly

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"Oh man, did Armstrong really have to hit me so hard?" Edward complained as he tentatively rubbed his bruised sternum where Olivier had grinded her boot, causing the woman walking alongside him to chuckle, "It's your own fault Ed, so much for teaching Winry to toughen up. How's she going to do that if you keep protecting her?" said the boy's old teacher. The sun having set they were now strolling towards the mess hall, hoping to grab a bite to eat, even though Edward was technically banned from eating tonight. Edward growled, "I was going to leave it until that bastard started talking about Winry's parents like that, he was way out of line!" Izumi sighed, "That may be so, but we're strangers in a strange land Ed, we can't afford to draw attention to ourselves and that means no scuffles with the superiors. These people won't go easy on you like that Flame Alchemist does." Edward scoffed indignantly, "Colonel Bastard does _not_ go easy on me, if anything I go easy on him!" he yelled.

Izumi just shook her head and chuckled at her ex-student again while they walked past a hunger-possessed Sasha worshipping a short blonde girl with pretty blue eyes. As they walked past the blonde girl however, she called out to them, "Wait! Edward right? I manage to sneak out some bread for you and Sasha, seeing as you two can't eat with us tonight." Edward paused, looking back at her in slight surprise before chuckling, "Don't worry about it, besides it looks like she needs it more." Indeed, as Krista glanced back down at Sasha she saw the one track-minded girl baring her fangs at the loaf in her hand.

When she looked back at Edward she noticed he was alone now, strolling towards the mess hall with his hands shoved deep inside his red cloak. "But you must be starving! You've run all day and Mr. Shadis said you can't eat tonight!" The golden haired kid turned his head slightly so that Krista could see his smirk, but he didn't stop walking while he spoke, "I don't see Shadis around, do you? Who's gonna stop me?" Krista watched him in shock as he opened the door and disappeared inside.

Krista sighed before returning her attention to Sasha who had shockingly already devoured the loaf meant for Edward, she hadn't even felt her take it from her hand! Sasha burped once before a serious expression adorned her face, Krista had the distinct impression that that was a rare occurrence. Sasha's next words were far more surprising though, "Thanks for the bread umm…" "Krista" the small blonde girl said when Sasha trailed off, causing the hungry girl to smile, "Krista, thank you Krista, I should warn you though, something about that guy just doesn't feel right to me, be careful with him."

The petite goddess' eyes widened in surprise before glancing at the door through which the golden haired boy in question had gone, she was no stranger to keeping secrets, and she liked to think that she had gotten pretty good at it, and therefore she had gotten good at knowing when someone else was keeping secrets, but she had felt nothing at all secretive from the boy, nothing but a slight attraction towards him. She blushed slightly, he was a good looking guy after all, what with his unique long golden hair that looked silky to the touch and his piercing golden eyes, and despite being mostly shrouded in that strange red cloak it easy to see that he had a lot of lean muscle that made him look especially trim.

Krista's blush faded as she shook her head, trying to dislodge such thoughts, what man could desire a woman whose own mother wished her dead?

 **xxxxxxxx**

Eren tried to eat his soup and bread while surrounded by his fellow cadets who pestered him with a never ending flow of questions. "Yeah okay, I saw the big guy," Eren said in an irritated voice, though no one seemed to notice his exasperation. "Exactly how tall was it?" another cadet asked, "We could see his head above the outer wall, he must have been at least 60 metres high…" Eren replied. "What? I heard he stepped over the wall completely!" someone said, followed by many echoes of agreement. "No no he wasn't that big," Eren replied. "So what did it look like?" Mina asked, Eren closed his eyes before responding, "It had a mouth like a corpse, and no skin, just muscles…"

"And the Armoured Titan?" someone asked, Eren shook his head, "I was already on the boat by then, I didn't get a good look, in all the panic it was just another titan to me." Several gasps and another question arose, "No way, so what were the ordinary titans like?" Suddenly Eren froze, his spoon halfway to his mouth before he dropped it into his soup. Vivid images of a horrid grin devouring his mother flashed through his mind as his eyes watered and he clasped his hand over his mouth and nose. His audience watched him in shock as he struggled to keep his composure before Mina spoke up, "Come on guys, that's enough questions, I'm sure he'd rather not relive everything…" temporarily forgetting that she had been asking questions as well.

"Sorry, we didn't mean-" Connie began before Eren interrupted, "That's not it…" he said while biting off a piece of bread, seemingly calm again. He smirked while he chewed, "Those titans, they're really not that bad. Once we master the omnidirectional mobility gear they'll nothing to us! I've waited years to become a soldier and now that the training has started the reality's sinking in. I'll be joining the Scouting Legion, and then I'll wipe off everyone one of those bastards of the face of the earth! I'm gonna butcher them all!" he said with tangible conviction and purpose, his face curved into a violent sneer. His audience was stunned, shocked that someone who had seen the titans in action still wanted to venture beyond the walls and fight them.

"You're pretty naïve for someone who's seen the face of their enemy kid," a smooth voice said, followed by footsteps, though every other step sounded a little heavier than the one before it. The audience turned to see the golden-haired teenager, his long hair in a ponytail instead of his usual braid, who had just finished his laps walking towards Eren's table with a tin of soup and a mug of ale. The audience immediately parted at the sight of his facial expression which showcased seriousness with a hint of defiance. The golden head placed his soup and mug down before seating himself, reaching behind him and flaring his red cloak out to make sure he didn't sit on it.

Eren scowled, "Aren't you a little young yourself to be calling me a kid?" he said only for Edward to stare impassively at him while taking a sip of ale. "I was twelve when I joined the military and after four years as a dog of war I can tell you that people like you, people who think the world will hand them their enemies on a silver platter, they don't last long on the frontlines" he said grimly, his piercing stare emphasized by his flashing golden eyes. Eren frowned, "Just who the hell are you anyway? You say you're from Quinta, but I heard that Quinta got cut off from the rest of humanity, how did you end up here?"

"I left Quinta when I joined the military, my brother and my companions left with me. We weren't there when the titans attacked." Eren scowled, "So you've never seen a titan? You call me naïve for not fearing them and yet you've never faced one yourself!" he shouted in anger, catching the attention of the entire mess hall. Edward snarled, "You're not naïve for being fearless in the face of the enemy, you're naïve because you think they're going to make it easy for you! No, I haven't fought titans, I've fought something just as evil… And I had to learn the hard way to never underestimate my opponents, and most importantly, to _never_ let my pride and anger lead the way."

The room was quiet as Edward finished his rant, but neither he nor the ambitious boy in front of him noticed as they continued staring at each other intensely. "You lost a lot in the fall of Shiganshina, I can tell, but take it from someone who once lost almost everything. Be sensible, be smart and lead with your head. Blind hatred and a drive for vengeance will get you killed in seconds. Don't die for the past Eren, live for the future." Eren stared with wide eyes at the teenager before him, the teenager who seemed so much older than he actually was, the teenager with the apparent wisdom of a sage.

"Well what makes you the expert? What could you have possibly faced that gives you the right to act so superior to someone who's the same age as you?" a voice rang out. Everyone's head turned to face the source of the noise, which was a long-faced kid with light brown hair that was shorter on the sides and back. An arrogant smirk graced his face as he lazily rested his head on his hand.

The kid then turned his haughty gaze onto Eren, "And you, do you have a death wish? Only a suicidal idiot would willingly sign up for reconnaissance, the Scouts is a death sentence." Eren stared back at him, "I guess I just can't accept living an easy life hiding in the interior like you while my fellow humans give their lives for us," he replied, equally haughty. "Look I'm just being honest kid, that's better than being some cowardly loudmouth pretending he's not as shit-scared as the rest of us."

Eren stood up suddenly, causing his bench to fall over, "Just what are you implying?" he said angrily. The light brown haired kid, Jean, smirked and was about to retort when Edward, who had somehow finished both his soup and drink during the short time that Jean and Eren had been arguing, spoke up in that smooth voice again, "You want to join the MPs and live the easy life and yet you have the gall to look down at a soldier who's willing to fight to the death for the betterment of his people and call _him_ a coward? You may be honest but that doesn't mean you're not a hypocritical little bitch, people like you make me sick." Everybody gasped at his cruel words while Jean's face reddened in anger. The horse-faced boy stood up suddenly and rushed over to Eren and Ed's table before clasping the latter's shoulder, "Say that again, you bastard!"

Eren noticed that Edward's eyes did not change at all at Jean's crude request but a split second later, in a blur of red too fast for anyone to see properly, Jean's face was being pressed into Ed's empty soup tin while Ed himself had arrogant boy's arm twisted behind his back. Ed pulled the arm tighter, causing Jean to cry out in pain. "What part of 'I've been in the military for four years' do you not get you stupid cunt?!" the golden haired teenager asked rudely, "What on God's green earth made you think that a weak coward like you assaulting me was a good idea?!" Jean didn't reply as he gritted his teeth in pain. "Umm, I think he's had enough," said Mina nervously, refusing to touch the violent boy for fear that she'd receive similar treatment.

Edward chortled, applying more pressure to Jean's arm, "You've had enough have you? Have you realised how pathetic you are yet? This suicidal idiot as you called him may be naïve but he's ten times the man you are!" Suddenly a loud crack echoed through the air and everyone gasped in horror as Jean screamed in pain. His arm gave way under the immense pressure Edward was applying, dislocating itself and causing it to flop uselessly at an unnatural angle. Edward stepped back, surveying his handiwork before speaking, "Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with wanting to live in peace and safety, but don't you _dare_ place yourself above the ones giving their lives to provide that safety." The poor boy whimpered as Edward glanced up at everyone's wide-eyed faces, some showing shock and disgust, and others, like a certain short blonde girl and her tall companions, showing mild surprise.

"What?" Edward asked everyone, staring at them with an intense gaze "You're in the military now, get used to it! And you," Edward fixed his penetrating golden-eyed stare on Eren, causing a certain raven haired girl to move towards him with a wary expression adorning her face. Edward's face suddenly broke out into his usual smirk, "You have my respect, just don't let your emotions cloud your judgement." He said before brushing his cloak and striding out the door while everybody was still trying to process what just happened.

"Holy shit!" the silence was broken by Connie, "Armin was right, he is _fast_! I didn't even see him move!" Shocked mumblings agreed with the boy while Jean shakily stood up, clutching his arm. Suddenly he felt a pair of small hands grasping his shoulder and his arm before yanking, another loud crack echoed through the mess hall and he screamed again in agony. He glared at the culprit, a short blonde girl with a prominent nose before yelling, "What the hell was that for you bitch!" The girl stared at him with those apathetic pale blue eyes before turning around and striding away, "You're welcome," she said over her shoulder before heading through the door and turning in the direction Ed had gone.

Jean suddenly realised that he could move his arm again and realised that the girl had just reconnected his arm to his shoulder socket. He grimaced; he had just called her a bitch. Jean prided himself on his integrity and so he was about to head after her to apologise before an angel walked by him. Time seemed to slow down as she wafted by, her perfect rosy lips glittering in the lamplight, her long, luscious hair waving slightly, amplifying her indigo irises. "Uh, excuse me!" he said to her nervously, catching her attention as she half turned to stare at him from the corners of her eyes. Jean approached her with a prominent blush on his face, "I, uh, I just wanted- I mean, I've never seen anyone like you before…" Jean's eyes widened as he realised how that sounded, "I mean- uh…" he hastily tried to save some face, "I-I'm sorry, y-you have very nice hair!"

Jean mentally face palmed, that was even worse! Snickering broke out around him and he glared at those responsible before glancing back at the girl to see her reaction, "Thanks" she said simply before continuing out the door. Jean hurried after her only to see her walking alongside Eren.

"Are you alright Eren?" she asked softly, bringing Eren out of his thoughts. He snapped his head to her before nodding, "Yeah I'm fine Mikasa, just surprised is all…" he frowned in the direction Edward had gone, "There's something off about that guy, he's never fought titans yet something tells me he's seen some awful things." Mikasa nodded, "I agree, I don't want you talking to him anymore Eren, he's bad news," Mikasa said causing Eren to roll his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, _mother_ , you don't need to look after me anymore." "Yes I do, there was one thing he said which was true, you lead with your heart too much and I'm the only one who can protect you" she said with concern gracing her flawless face.

Eren scowled before reaching up and running his hand through the oriental girl's smooth hair, not noticing the blush that rose on her cheeks as he did so. "Why don't you worry about yourself for once? You should cut your hair, it might cause an accident when we start with ODM training," the raven haired girl twirled a couple of strands in her fingers before nodding, "Okay fine, I'll cut it."

Jean watched the interaction in jealousy, angry that the girl would so readily cut her beautiful hair just for that little brat. As a poor unsuspecting Connie strode by, humming some off-key tune, Jean reached over and wiped his hand down his back. "Hey!" the dimwitted kid yelled, "What was that?!" "My trust in others…" Jean replied grimly, as if his whole world had just come crashing down.

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 **So what did you think? Please R &R and tell me.**

 **-SwallowTheSun**


	2. Chapter 2: What Evil Lay Dormant

**Here is the second chapter for Above The Weeping World, posted immediately after the first XD.**

 **I hope you enjoy it!**

 **A series of x's separating two paragraphs means that the setting has changed, either to a different character or location or time, etc.  
However a series of hashtags separating two paragraphs means that it is still in the same setting, but the point of view has changed to someone else in that setting.**

 **Please read and constructively criticize, comment on problems you find. Thank you.**

 **Flames will be ignored.**

 **I own neither Fullmetal Alchemist nor Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin.**

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 **Chapter 2: What Evil Lay Dormant**

Edward had just reached the boy's barracks and was about to open the door when a voice called out, "Hey you, Edward right?" the long golden haired teenager turned around to find himself looking up at a hulking blonde boy with narrow eyes. "Yeah, what's it to you?" he replied cautiously. The boy suddenly smiled widely and held his hand out, "Reiner Braun, pleased to meet you, that was some move you pulled back in there man, who taught how to do that?" he asked cheerfully. Edward grinned and clasped his hand in a firm handshake, "You know that woman I was running all day with?" he asked, waiting for Reiner's nod of confirmation before continuing, "Well she taught my brother and I everything we know about fighting since I was 9 and my brother was 7."

Reiner's eyes widened in surprise, "I take it she's a good fighter then?" Edward laughed, "Haha, oh yeah, she's the toughest woman I know, well… maybe except for Armstrong. But yeah, she can fight alright, I doubt anyone here could beat her." Reiner raised an eyebrow, "I don't know, my friend Annie is pretty good at fighting," Edward frowned, "Annie?" he asked in confusion. "Short blonde girl, blue eyes, has a look on her face like she doesn't care about anything?" Reiner said. Edward's face cleared as recognition dawned on him, "Oh yeah, I saw her earlier, but my teacher has been fighting for decades, hell, she once survived a winter in the mountains by raiding a military base for supplies, she didn't even have any weapons!"

Reiner laughed heartily, "Woah, and we've gotta compete with _that_ to get in the top 10?" Edward smirked, "Don't forget about my brother and I!" he said confidently, "Oh, and Armstrong, definitely do not forget about her, she has literally killed a bear with her own hands, _literally_!" Reiner chuckled, "I've no doubt about that, the way she beat you up earlier… Man she seems vicious!" Edward's smile dipped slightly, "She did _not_ 'beat me up'" he grumbled beneath his breath before smiling again at Reiner's words. "What about your girlfriend, uhhh what was her name? Wendy?" Edward's smile slipped as he blushed furiously, "Her name's Winry and she's not my girlfriend!" "Could've fooled me, we all saw you protect your damsel in distress from the big, scary instructor!" Reiner said with mirth before turning around and strolling away, "Anyway, it was nice meeting you Edward!" The red cloaked teenager grumbled under his breath some more before smiling and waving at the big boy's retreating figure, "Likewise, Reiner!"

"He seems nice," a tinny voice said from behind Edward causing the golden-haired boy turn around and see his brother standing in the doorway to the barracks. "Yeah he _seems_ nice," Ed said gruffly while pushing past his brother and making his way to his bunk. "I don't know Al, something tells me that if Ling was here he'd tell us that there's something wrong with that guy using his magic sensing powers or whatever." His brother sighed exasperatingly, "You know not everyone who makes an attempt to talk to you is an immortal homunculus dead set on sacrificing you as part of a nationwide transmutation," he said tiredly only for Edward to reply just as sarcastically, "And not everyone pukes rainbows and shoots sunbeams out of their ass like you Alphonse. People are shitty, get over it."

The affronted armoured knight raised his finger, about to counter Ed's grim way of viewing the world, but he was interrupted as Ed spoke again, "Anyway, how did your talk with Shadis go? I'm guessing Armstrong managed to convince him to let you have your own room? Or are you bunking here with us? People will talk if they see a suit of armour lying in bed Al." Alphonse, a bit peeved at Edward's smart diversion, replied warily, "We had to tell him a bit more than we had hoped; he somehow knew that Olivier was military so we had to give him a bit of our made up history, luckily he seemed to believe her as he said he wasn't going to follow up on her information. But I don't know if that means he won't sometime in the future."

Ed sighed, "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it." "Yeah, but that's not all brother," Alphonse continued, "We couldn't convince him that you need your own private cubicle for washing up and we couldn't tell him about your automail so…" he trailed off uncertainly as Ed just waved his hand, "That's fine, I'm sure there's a couple of rivers around, I can just sneak off every now and then to wash," he said before gesturing to his brother to carry on. "Well what about during the winter? Brother it would be so much easier if you just let people know about your automail, I'm sure they won't think of you any less." Alphonse said tiredly.

"I don't give a shit what they think about me Alphonse, but we don't know a lot about this world so we have no idea how people would react to my prosthetics, I mean there are people here who worship a bunch of walls, w _alls_ Alphonse, _walls_! And besides, letting the enemy, whomever they are, know of my advantage is a surefire way of getting killed." Edward replied grumpily, causing his brother to sigh at his firm belief that everyone was out to get him. "Well anyway, Olivier managed to convince Shadis to let me have my own room, so at least no one will find out what's in this armour, or that I don't actually sleep." Al mentally winced as soon as those words came out his immaterial mouth, realizing how it sounded.

"Brother I didn't mean-" he began before Edward interrupted in a sorrowful tone, "I'll make it up to you Al, I promise, I'm gonna get you your body back." Alphonse was mentally berating himself now, his brother already felt so incredibly guilty about what had happened to them and he didn't need any more heaped on him, "No brother that's no-" he said quickly, trying to ease his brother's worries, only to be interrupted again as the door to the barracks opened and several loud boys walked in, having finished their meals and now looking forward to sleep. "I'm gonna go check on Winry, make sure she's settling in alright," Edward said before quickly striding out the door before Alphonse could stop him.

 **xxxxxxxx**

As Reiner walked around the corner of the building he was joined by his companions Bertoldt and Annie, the latter asking him a question as she fell into place behind him, "So what did you learn about him Reiner?" Reiner looked down at the hand that he had shaken Edward's with and grunted, "He's dangerous, very dangerous, and there's something off about him. When I shook his hand it was like shaking a metal claw, and did you guys notice how fast he got that kid into that arm lock?"

The small blonde girl behind him nodded, "His technique is flawless, from the way that kid's shoulder felt when I fixed it, it was clean dislocation, professionally performed to prevent any permanent damage; he's been fighting a long time." Reiner nodded, "Yeah, since he was nine, his teacher was that woman he was running with today and from the way he describes it, she's an absolute beast at combat. She taught his brother too, I can only imagine how dangerous someone that big who knows how to fight like Edward does must be." Annie frowned, "I'm sure I can take them down." Reiner shook his head, "I don't know Annie, he's not only fast, he can hit hard; you guys saw how one punch of his broke the commandant's nose. Combat training starts the day after tomorrow, you should watch him Annie; see how he fights and all that, see if he's top 10 cadet material, see if he's a threat."

Annie nodded before asking another question, "And what about the others, the Armstrong woman and the Rockbell girl? Reiner grimaced, "We especially have to watch out for Armstrong, he says that she once killed a bear with her bare hands, something tells me she will be an incredibly powerful soldier. Man we're not ready for this, a bunch of strangers show up and now suddenly it's looking like humanity has gained a bunch of super soldiers!"

"I'm sure we can hold them off in titan form, what about the Rockbell girl Reiner?" Annie asked, losing patience. "I don't think she knows how to fight, and Edward seems very protective of her, if put in a desperate situation we can use her as leverage over them." "So that's what we've resorted to Reiner?" Bertoldt interrupted angrily, speaking for the first time, "Is the death of thousands of innocents not enough for you? We have to kidnap a girl as well now?!" Reiner snapped his head towards his tall companion, "Hey, I don't like this anymore than you do, but we all knew what we'd be in for to reach our goal, you lost the right to judge me the moment you kicked in that wall five years ago so don't pretend you're any better than me!" he said heatedly.

Bertoldt, his fire gone, hung his head low as tears forced their way through his shut eyelids. There hadn't been a single night since that day which he hadn't spent as a shivering, whimpering mess in whatever had passed as his bed. And despite Reiner's harsh words and Annie's apathetic demeanor he knew they both had spent many nights similarly. He knew that what they were doing was for the greater good, he believed that with all his heart, but it was very hard to focus on the greater good when faced with the dismembered children and mutilated corpses left in their wake.

Though she said nothing Annie actually agreed with Bertoldt, she was hesitant to add kidnapping to her list of atrocities. She sighed; she really hoped Edward and his companions weren't anyway near as skilled as Reiner made them out to be, though she knew that was unlikely. It may have been too quick for anyone else to see but her combat-trained eyes had seen how Edward had effortlessly spun out his seat and simultaneously grabbed that horse-faced kid's arm and shoved his head down all in one smooth movement. Besides, Reiner was an excellent judge of character, if he thought they were dangerous then she really had to watch out for them. But still… kidnapping a girl?

If they really were as dangerous as Reiner thought, then maybe kidnapping the one person they'd want to protect more than anyone else would just draw unwanted attention that they wouldn't be able to handle. She shook her head, it was far too early to think about this now, they had three years of training to get through before they could start planning their next attack and besides, she, Bertoldt and Reiner in their titan bodies should be more than enough to deal with anything humanity could throw at them. Reiner was completely armoured, Annie could armour herself at will and while Bertoldt's titan body was disproportionate and rather slow the only thing high enough to allow soldiers to use their ODM gear to reach his vital spot were the walls.

No, for now she'd just focus on watching the cadets train like Reiner suggested. Tomorrow was the aptitude test and the day after was the first combat session, she didn't need any training so she would watch the rest of the cadets, singling out those who could be threats and then reporting her findings to her comrades. While both Reiner and Bertoldt had some knowledge of the martial arts it was rudimentary at best and besides, they wouldn't be able to tell one's true potential like she could. Combat training was useless against titans so she had to learn more than just who could fight well, she had to learn how they fought, how strong their bodies were and how tough their minds were. Who would have the will and power to be a serious threat to her and her fellow titan shifters?

For example, she had seen Edward punch the commandant over the harsh words directed at his friend, this implied he was easy to anger, very protective of his friends and, most importantly, he was fearless. And the speed and ease of which he took down Jean told her that he was fast, fast enough to be really dangerous with ODM. The fact that he reacted only when Jean had his hand on Ed's shoulder implied that he cherished his personal space; he was a lone wolf, antisocial, like her.

The fact that she could tell all this without having said a word to the golden haired fighter was the reason that Reiner and Bertoldt relied so heavily on her evaluations of the combat training, she was a highly proficient martial artist and therefore her powers of perception, honed through years of grueling training, were second to none.

Annie suddenly glanced up and realised they were walking past the girl's barracks, at which point she broke off from Reiner and Bertoldt without a word, who were well used to her lack of salutations by now. As she entered the barracks she saw all the other girls, who had since left the mess hall, surrounding two women seated at a table. One of the women was the one whom Reiner had warned her about, the one who had been running around camp all day, the one who had apparently taught Edward how to fight. She was smirking as she had her elbow resting on one of the tables spread about in between the bunks, her hand clenched around a tall slender freckled girl's as they pushed back and forth.

Annie could clearly see the woman's biceps and triceps bulging and shifting as she slowly pushed her opponent's hand downwards, eventually causing it to touch the wooden surface of the table. Her smirk widened as her opponent groaned at her loss of the arm-wrestling competition, "Well it looks like I get the top bunk then!" she claimed heartily. Her opponent, whom Annie recalled was called Ymir, just groaned again, "Come on! That's hardly fair! You're an adult and I'm only fifteen!" The older woman laughed, "Alphonse is only fifteen as well and I've never beaten him! His brother neither!" Of course she neglected to mention that both had distinct advantages, Alphonse's lack of a material body and Edward's metal arm, but Annie didn't know that and so her eyes widened at the knowledge that the two teenagers were apparently strong enough to take on a full grown muscled woman like Izumi and win, at least in an arm-wrestling competition.

She filed away that bit of information in her mind as she realised she had yet to claim a bunk. She glanced around the room looking for an empty bed, noticing that the girl she, Reiner and Bertoldt had been talking about, Winry, was lying on a bottom bunk and above her was a girl with thick black hair and a maroon scarf wrapped around her neck. The scarfed girl was currently rummaging around her in her duffel bag, eventually emitting a satisfied grunt and pulling out a small knife before jumping down and walking towards the bathroom that was directly attached to the girl's barracks so as to provide the girls with some privacy and modesty. The boys had no such luck, they had to leave their barracks and walk past the mess hall to reach their bathroom.

Winry however was pouring over some strange notes which looked to Annie like schematics and designs for ODM gear. The girl had a sparkle in her eyes, as if she was gazing upon the face of god as she panted slightly at each new page she pulled up, it was an attitude Annie knew well, that of passion. It was the attitude that Sasha girl held towards all things culinary, it was the attitude in which Connie had beheld Izumi's breasts as she was jogging, it was the attitude that that Shiganshinan boy had when claiming he would wipe out all of the titans. If she weren't so stoic and emotionless herself, it would be the attitude Annie would hold while sparring.

This told Annie that Winry was very passionate about engineering and mechanics, and interesting hobby for a girl; then again, most girls would find fighting a strange hobby. Annie again filed away this information as she resumed her search for an available bed, briefly noticing that raven haired girl with the knife exiting the bathroom, her hair now falling only to her cheeks, before lighting her eyes on the last unclaimed bunk that was close to the centre of the room. Annie sighed, that was what she got for being late she supposed, she would have much rather had a bunk against a wall, especially due to her very, _very_ embarrassing habit of sleep-talking. Luckily, according to Reiner and Bertoldt, she never seemed to mention anything about her titan abilities or their mission during these sleep-talks.

As she moved towards the lockers where her duffel bag was she noticed that both the top and bottom bed of the bunk was available, which meant that there was still one more person yet to come. She briefly wondered who it could be as she grabbed her bag and made her way to her bed before tossing her bag onto the top bunk, claiming it. The bunk beds were wooden and had wide frames that had draws that extended into what served as both the ceiling of the bottom bunk and the floor of the top bunk. Her short stature unfortunately made it impossible for her to unpack her bag and move her items into those draws without climbing a few steps up the attached ladder to be able to see.

She was almost done unpacking her sleeping clothes when she suddenly felt a presence behind her. She turned her head slightly so that she could make out who was behind her from the corner of her eye and she was greeted by the sight of the woman whom Edward had claimed had outwrestled a bear, and she looked furious. But Annie was a skilled combatant, extremely confident in her own abilities, so nothing ever intimidated her, even this perpetually frowning apparent beast of a woman. So she stared back impassively, demonstrating her iron will and temperament.

"Did you want the top bunk?" Annie asked, neither challengingly nor timidly, it was simply curiosity. How would this fierce woman react to her nonchalant attitude? How would she deal with something as trivial as desiring the top bunk? What kind of person would she reveal herself to be? This was what Annie aimed to find out with her question, if this woman was a dangerous as Reiner made her out to be then she needed especially to observe her actions and attitude, the success of their mission could depend on it.

To her surprise however, the woman did not retort angrily or snappishly, but simply replied, "I don't care," before tossing her bag onto the bottom bunk and striding away towards Izumi. Annie followed her movements, a long, powerful stride, pausing for no one and nothing. Indeed, people seemed to instinctively move out of her way as she approached them, even those who hadn't seen her. It was as if perfect timing allowed her to move uninterrupted. An impressive woman, one would be ill advised to get on her bad side. "Don't mind her, she's always like that," a voice suddenly piped from behind her and if she were anyone else but Annie Leonhardt she might have jumped, startled.

She turned her head to see Winry standing there, clutching the ODM designs to her chest while smiling brightly. Annie briefly wondered where on Earth she had gotten copies of those designs before returning her attention to the girl before her, gone was any trace of that pathetic crying mess this morning during the drill. This led Annie to believe that the girl bounced back well, she was an optimist then…

The girl continued, "I don't think I've ever seen her smile, she always has that frown on her face, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person, she'll fight to the death for the people she trusts." Annie glanced back at the scowling woman, whose scowl was a little less… scowly now that she was talking to Izumi. Indeed the way she stood next to the braided woman, leaning against her bedpost with her arms crossed, implied that they were friends, or at least that they had strong respect for each other.

Winry's words were interesting though, it seemed to Annie that Olivier Armstrong was a woman who didn't accept any nonsense, didn't waste time on those she didn't think worthy of it, and had strong respect for those who were not afraid to stand up for themselves. Perhaps in different circumstances she and Annie could have been friends, indeed Armstrong did remind the short blonde girl of herself, only a little angrier and less apathetic.

Annie returned her attention to the brightly smiling girl in front of her before noticing she had her hand outstretched, "My name's Winry, pleased to meet you!" she said cheerfully, causing Annie to reluctantly reach out and grab her hand, "Annie," she said simply, maintaining her cool composure. "Don't talk much do you? That's ok, an old friend once told me that some people prefer to speak through their actions, and my granny says I talk too much!" Winry said while giggling. Annie internally groaned, she hated these kind of people; those who thought the quiet ones were just shy and needed a little prodding in order to open up, they always pried into her personal life, trying to understand why she preferred solitary to social interaction. Why couldn't these people comprehend that some people just preferred their own company? Why did they always have to include themselves where they were not welcome?

Annie really didn't want to give this girl the impression that she wanted to be friends so she said simply, "I'm inclined to agree with her, you do talk too much," before turning back to her bed and resuming her unpacking. She heard a snort from nearby, probably from Ymir, and huff from the blonde girl she was just talking to and she smiled. Let word get out that she was anti-social and no one would bother her, which was all she wanted. Reiner often questioned her about it, asking how she could evaluate people and learn their strengths and weaknesses if she shut them out, to which she always replied that it was easier to form objective conclusions if she has no attachments to those she watches.

Annie finally finished unpacking and then shoved her bag under the single pillow she was supplied with, she always preferred to sleep with two pillows and the bag would serve as one. She then noticed a slender girl with black hair separated into two pigtails resting over her shoulders approach the two conversing adult woman nervously. Annie had noticed back in the mess hall how disturbed that girl had been at Edward's actions and she figured that she was probably going to ask those women about the violent golden-haired teenager. Annie climbed the rest of the way up the ladder and lay down on her bed, turning her head so that she could inconspicuously watch and listen in on the conversation.

#########

"Uhm… excuse me…" Mina said nervously, catching the attention of the two women, "Sorry to interrupt, I just had a few questions about Edward and since you two seem to know him I was hoping you could answer them for me…" she continued. The braided woman smiled while the foreboding blonde one simply stared at her, neither annoyance nor eagerness splayed across her face as she remained leaning against the bedpost with her arms crossed.

"Of course! What do you want to know?" the braided woman, whom Mina knew as Izumi, asked kindly. "Well… umm…" Mina started, "Has he always been so violent?" she asked timidly, causing Izumi's smile to slip a little and for the blonde woman, Olivier, Mina thought, to scowl a little. "If you're referring to the incident during the drill, rest assured that he won't act so rashly again, or else he'll answer to me." Olivier said sternly, a fire in her eyes telling Mina how annoyed she was with the golden head. "That being said," Izumi cut in, "I might have acted similarly had I heard the commandant speak so cruelly of people I care about. Edward's a hothead sure, but he always means well, everything he does is to protect those he cares about."

Mina would have been relieved to hear that, had she not witnessed what Edward did to Jean in the mess hall, he hadn't protecting anyone then, that was pure spite. "Actually I'm referring to what Edward did in the mess hall, when he almost broke Jean's arm." Both the women suddenly leaned forward, all traces of mirth or affection wiped away from the braided woman's face, who looked as stony and furious as the blonde now.

"What did he do?!" Olivier asked sharply, causing Mina to step back involuntarily in fear. She hadn't been aware that the two women had not known so, not wishing to give the two adults the wrong impression of what had happened, she started from the beginning. She told them about how everyone had been asking Eren, a boy who had been in Shiganshina during the titan attack, questions about the Colossal titan, and about how Eren started bragging about how he was going to kill all the titans when Edward interrupted, chastising the boy for his naivety. She told the two women about how Edward had said he'd been in the military for four years, which seemed to make the two women really angry, and then she finally told them of Edward's and Jean's argument and how as soon as Jean threatened Edward, the golden haired teenager retaliated, pinning poor Jean down before dislocating his arm.

By the time Mina finished, Olivier's permanent frown had morphed into white hot rage and even Izumi had transformed from the friendly woman everyone had seen her as into the vicious demon Mina saw before her now. The shaking girl could've sworn that Izumi's eyes were glowing red, "That… stupid runt!" Izumi said through gritted teeth while Olivier nodded in agreement. A sudden commotion at the entrance to the barracks drew their attention as a loud voice rang out, "Dammit freckles! I just wanna talk to her! Will you just go get her for me?" It was obviously Edward's voice and Mina stepped back as the two women she had been conversing with suddenly moved with purpose and fury etched across their faces.

"Fullmetal!" Olivier shouted which for some reason caught the attention of the golden eyed boy, whose eyes widened considerably as he witnessed the two she-devils bearing down on him. "Oh fuck!" he exclaimed loudly with palpable fear in his eyes before turning around and taking off, running faster than he had ever had in his life. All the girls filed out of the barracks to watch as the poor kid ran across the training ground with two murderous women on his tail. A few, like Ymir and Sasha, were clutching at their sides and howling in laughter as they watched the two women finally catch up with the speedy little devil and trip him up. Their laughter soon turned to the gasps of shock that all the other girls emitted however as instead of yelling at him and maybe giving him a few slaps on the head as all the girls had expected, Izumi grabbed a fistful of Edward's hair before repeatedly slamming his face against the dusty ground while Olivier watched with her sword in hand, albeit still in its scabbard.

The blood on Edward's face was clear in the lamplight as Izumi finally pulled him upright by his hair and then kneed him in the crotch before Olivier swiped her sheathed sword across his face, lashing against his bleeding nose and lips. Mina felt downright awful as she watched the treatment Edward was receiving, she knew that they were only doing it because she had told them what Edward had done and the guilt she was feeling was overwhelming. She suddenly noticed a new arrival to her left and turned her head to see who had joined them, she was surprised to see Winry, whom she knew was a friend to the boy apparently getting beaten to within an inch of his life before them, simply settle down and rest her arms across the wooden railing.

"Oh boy, what did he do this time?" she asked with traces of a smile on her lips. Mina gasped, catching the attention of the pretty blonde girl, "This time? You mean this happens a lot?! They beat him up like this?!" The girl laughed, "Trust me, him and his brother have experienced far worse than anything they," she pointed towards the two women who were now yelling indiscriminately at the poor boy, "can dole out." The blonde girl's smile fell and her face drooped in sombre, "Far, far worse…" she mumbled quietly while gazing at the bruised and bloodied Edward.

Mina watched the girl's drastic change in emotion with slight curiosity, "Edward mentioned earlier that he's served the military for a few years now, how come he's with us new recruits now then? What military did he serve?" she asked, hoping to gain clarity on something which had bothered her since Edward's scene in the mess hall. Had Mina been a bit more aware of her surroundings she might have noticed Annie lean slightly towards her, just inside hearing range.

Winry looked at the pigtailed girl in surprise, "He told you that? That must be why they're beating him then…" she said quietly, before smiling politely at the girl, "Well since you already know I guess there's no harm in telling you the rest. Edward was drafted into a very specialized military in the northwest of Wall Maria when he was twelve, he became a sort of Elite soldier, specializing not in killing titans but rather more intelligent species, like humans. His brother was too young at the time so he simply came along to keep Edward company, as did I. Since they both lost their parents when they were very young they were also accompanied by Izumi, who was their teacher, trainer and basically surrogate mother. We met Olivier at the military headquarters, though she too is from Quinta like the rest of us."

Winry spoke with confidence and conviction, despite that fact that barely a word she uttered was true. The story she told was the story she and her fellow Amestrians had all agreed upon in case they were confronted about their past. They had spent days ironing out all the little details, making sure that none of their stories contained continuity errors or didn't match up. They chose Quinta as their home because it was the furthest north from Shiganshina and Trost so not many people there would know a lot about it. The north was also apparently quite infamous for its civil uprisings and wars, there were a lot of men killing men up there so a specialized military force dedicated to fighting humans wasn't the most unbelievable thing in the world. They could also fabricate a technological superiority amongst the already fictional military specialists should their fellow classmates discover Edward's automail. Alphonse's situation though, they really couldn't allow anyone to find out about that as no one would truly believe some establishment in the north had the technology to give life to armour.

Yes, Winry spoke convincingly and smoothly, as if she truly believed in what she was saying, however internally a spike of guilt stabbed her heart. She understood the necessity of keeping their true histories hidden; giant man-eating people would be too crazy to comprehend back in Amestris, however rapid automatic firearms, steam-powered vehicles and the ability to change any substance at a molecular level would seem supernatural to the rudimentary people of the Walls. Binding a soul to a suit of armour would seem downright blasphemous to them. But none of this eased the guilt she felt when she was forced to lie so easily to a bunch of kids her own age, it disturbed her greatly that in the short time she had lived in this world she had learnt to lie so well, she blamed Edward for that.

Winry was brought out of her thoughts when she noticed that the pigtailed girl was talking to her, "-was saying how he had fought things just as evil as titans… d-does that mean he's… killed p-people?" Mina asked fearfully, eyes wide with trepidation. Winry noticed that all the girls had fallen silent and most were staring at her with similar wide eyes, the exceptions being the rude short blonde girl who had insulted her earlier, the tall girl who had lost her bunk to Izumi and the raven-haired girl who was Winry's bunkmate.

Winry closed her eyes, in truth she didn't know if Edward had actually killed anyone, besides maybe that Father homunculus, and whatever he had done with Pride. He tried so hard to keep his military life separate from his old life in Resembool and he never spoke with her about the horrors he had experienced.

She remembered that time when she learnt the truth about Scar, how he had killed her parents after they had healed him. She remembered holding that gun, tears streaming down her face as she tried desperately to pull that trigger, to avenge her parents. And she remembered Edward's words to her when she asked why she couldn't pull the trigger, "Remember Rush Valley," he had said to her while gently holding her shaking hands, "You delivered that baby, you saved two lives! And you gave me an arm and a leg to replace the ones I'd lost," he had softly pried the guns from her hands, pulling her fingers away one at a time and yet remaining oh so gentle. "It's your hands," he had said before grasping her soft hands in his calloused flesh one and his ugly metal one, the contrast not lost on her as they held hers firm, "they aren't meant to kill… they're meant to give life… that's why…"

And when Winry had fallen apart in his arms, howling and weeping in despair, he had held her softly, exuding warmth, comfort and love. In that moment she couldn't believe that someone so gentle and so supportive could have taken the life of a person, and yet the way he spoke and the way his calloused hand had rubbed against hers, and the expression on Edward's face when she found him after the Promised Day with a shotgun in his mouth, it all implied that those hands of his had committed unspeakable horror; that they had killed. His words were so kind towards her and yet at the same time scathing towards himself. It was a horrific dichotomy, one that she had puzzled over many a night since that awful day.

She returned to the present to find all of her fellow female cadets staring at her, awaiting her answer. She had lied to them about their past but she would not lie about this, they deserved to know what Edward was, she had accepted him and fallen in love with him all the same, perhaps if more people, especially those of his own age, were to accept him he would finally stop viewing himself as the monster he thought he was, maybe he would finally believe that no one who knew him thought of him as a monster. But for them to accept him they had to know the truth, and they deserved to know it, they deserved to know about the monstrosities Edward's occupation often required of its soldiers.

"I don't know," she said quietly, "he never talks to me about his time in the military, I do know that his colleagues have though, I know his old Colonel was once ordered to burn houses down, leaving the screaming women and children inside to their fate, I know his old Lieutenant was forced to gun down men, women and children alike, on orders. I know Olivier," she gestured to the blonde woman who was still trading harsh words with Edward, "uses that sword for more than just show, I've heard that she once drowned a man in cement."

Winry paused and took a deep, shuddering breath, trying and failing to ignore the mostly nervous stares of her fellow cadets, "But I don't know if Edward has ever killed anyone, I pray every day that he hasn't, but I just don't know." An even deeper silence fell as she finished, a silence so loud that it was deafening. Winry glanced around at all their faces and realised that those few who had shown no reaction to Edward's past still remained stoic. She became slightly nervous when she realised that that might mean they too had killed people.

"What I do know is that Edward is a good person, and that whatever evils he's committed haunt him every day and every night. I know that he's experienced more pain and anguish than anyone ought to feel in several lifetimes," she said quietly, reflecting on what she knew Edward blamed himself for; his mother, his brother, Nina… "And I know that if you gain his trust he will fight to the death for you." She knew that Edward was nothing like the monster he painted himself to be, and she hoped dearly that over the next three years he would realise that, with the help of all the people in the camp.

#########

Annie was rarely shocked, she rarely felt sick at people's actions believing herself a learned girl, the frankly dreadful past five years had dipped her innocence into the black pool of humanity's hate and she had emerged harder for it. Hearing what Edward's colleagues had done was nothing new to her, but it did mean that these strange Quintans might be even more dangerous than they had originally thought. She had to tell Reiner and Bertoldt about this, she had to tell them about the potential disaster Edward, and especially Olivier Armstrong, could spell for their mission. An image of the tall blonde woman slicing off limbs and holding down heads in pools of cement flashed through her mind and suddenly she felt just a tad nervous. She was that woman's bunkmate…

#########

Mikasa too was unfazed, learning the world was a cruel place was certainly not a new lesson for her, watching her parents getting butchered and almost being sold into a lifetime of slavery and rape was more than shocking enough to teach her of the world's brutality, and hearing about women and children being burned alive, hearing that a sixteen year old, a boy only a year older than her, possibly partaking in such horror was no eye-opener but it did make her wary of the golden-eyed fighter. She recalled Edward's and Eren's discussion in the mess hall, how Edward had said how he'd fought worse things than titans, it occurred to her that he must have been talking about people.

Sure titans were horrible, preying on people for what it seemed like nothing more than sport, but at least they didn't burn each other down, at least they didn't have any other motive than to hunt and kill. Only humans would think of burning one another, raping one another, cutting one another, stabbing one another, torturing one another and performing many other atrocities on one another.

She suddenly remembered how Eren had seemed slightly disturbed by Edward's actions in the mess hall, but more importantly she remembered how Edward had taunted Eren, he might do so again, and knowing Eren better than anyone, she knew how he would react. She could not let that happen, she could not allow Eren to pick a fight with someone with potentially as dark a past as their own. They had temporarily become monsters to kill monsters and she did not want Eren and Armin buddying up with someone who, like them, had the capacity to be a monster. She had to make sure she was always by his side because she had promised both her foster mother and herself that she would protect him from all monsters, whether they were several metres tall or slightly short like Edward.

The sound of the bell interrupted her thoughts, signaling curfew. She sighed; she would have to tell Eren and Armin about Edward and his companions tomorrow, she didn't want to risk the wrath of the commandant just yet. She noticed the two adult women had stopped harassing Edward when the bell rang, and they were now striding back towards them, their destination obviously the barracks. She watched as Edward picked himself up before spitting a globule of spit and blood on the ground and wiping his mouth. However instead of heading towards the men's barracks as Mikasa had expected, the golden haired boy instead bent over again as if in agony before limping off into the woods. She raised an eyebrow, it appeared the wrath of the commandant was no deterrent to the strange boy, who seemed determined to push his luck as far as it could go. Mikasa turned away and followed the last of the girls shuffling back into the barracks, but not before wondering what Edward was doing in the woods.

 **xxxxxxxx**

"Or that I don't actually sleep…" Al's words echoed through Edward's head as he strode across the courtyard, his destination the girl's barracks. Ever since that fateful, horrible night five years ago, when Edward had selfishly coerced his younger, innocent brother into performing human transmutation with him he had shouldered his guilt quietly, hiding it from others. But he hadn't managed to hide it well enough he knew, he could never hide anything from his brother. And when Alphonse had confronted him after that debacle at the fifth laboratory, claiming that he, his own goddamn brother, had made him up, that was the first time since the actual incident that Edward's guilt became too strong to bear silently.

He had fled, escaping to the roof of the hospital so that no one could see his tears as he shamefully wept. He had recalled when, after discovering the truth behind the philosopher's stones, he had been about to ask Al something he had been wondering ever since that fateful, horrible night, if Al blamed him for losing his body, for turning what remained of their mum into that horrible, shrieking, blood spewing mess.

He knew now that his brother didn't blame him, but every now and then that lingering doubt rose up again, becoming harder to trample down each time. ' _How could he not hate me?'_ He would ask himself, ' _how could he not blame me for what happened to him?'_ This was one such moment, being confronted with the realities of Al's situation was oft the catalyst of them, Al could never sleep, couldn't eat or drink, couldn't feel the cool wind on a hot summer's day or the heat of a warm log fire on a cold winter's night. He was fifteen now and he couldn't kiss a girl, couldn't hug his friends, he couldn't even feel the warmth of a person's hand whenever he shook it. He couldn't live a normal life all because of Edward's fucking arrogance.

Maybe Al didn't hate him, but he sure hated himself. What kind of monster was he? To force his brother into doing something he wasn't even sure about in the first place? Edward knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never forgive himself, and that he would carry this self-loathing to the grave, regardless of whether or not he got his brother's body back. He knew also that he could never make it up to his brother, even if he did manage to get his body back, how could that ever be worth losing it in the first place? This too was a fact that he would bear until death claimed him.

He had almost accelerated that day of passing, several times, the first time being not long after obtaining his metal limbs. He had been sitting in Pinako's workshop and holding her shotgun in his mouth, the cold steel knocking his teeth as his trembling flesh fingers lingered over the trigger, tears carving down his desolate face as he wept. He had been thinking about the pain of his automail, of Mustang's accusatory, " _What_ did you _do_?!", but most of all he had been thinking about his brother.

It had been the old woman herself who had found him, "How _dare_ you?!" she had shouted, her short stature doing nothing to diminish her formidable rage, "How dare you even _think_ of leaving your brother now, after what _you_ did to him?!" The words weren't kind, but they didn't need to be, it was cruel enough to make Edward realise that he couldn't take his own life just yet, not while his brother was missing his.

Edward had apologised to Pinako afterwards, the shotgun pried from his grasp and locked away somewhere, pleading with her not to tell Alphonse and Winry. The old woman had thankfully agreed, though not for his sake he suspected. He had several relapses after that, in fact that very night after Al had accused him of making him up, he had returned to the roof of the hospital, standing on the wrong side of the railing and wondering how far he had to fall to make sure he suffered enough pain before succumbing to death.

It had been Mr. Hughes who stopped him, the kind young father somehow knowing that Edward needed him that night, finding him on that rooftop. They had stared at the myriad of lights of Central City while Hughes talked him away from the edge, his words being considerably kinder than Pinako's had ever been. How cruel fate was that Edward's next attempt would be triggered by learning of that very same man's murder. Hughes' family stopped him that time, though they didn't know it. Seeing how devastated they were over their husband and father's death made Edward realise that he couldn't add more death to their lives.

The next time was not long after he had seen Al's malnourished body behind the gate, seeing how sad, how pale, how _fucking_ weak his brother had been was far more agonizing than losing his limbs or having his metal ones reattached had ever been. It had been Hawkeye who had stopped him that time, though not directly. He had yet to return her gun and was holding it to his chin, the serial number having been erased by his alchemy so that she could never be implicated of foul play. But _she_ would know it was hers, how would she feel when they found him, his brains splattered all over the wall and her gun in his hand?

He had returned the gun; the serial number re-etched with alchemy, and done pretty darn well considering Ed's specialty was metal alchemy. Still her eyes had paused on the serial number as she glanced the gun over and Edward knew in that second that she knew, of course she did; the Hawk's Eye missed nothing. He suspected that was why she then told him of the Ishvalan war, of how she was forced to cut down women and children with her bullets, and of how each and every one made her feel. She painted herself into a similar boat to Edward's, barely keeping afloat in a sea of despair and suicide and though she never outright said it, she hinted at how many times she had almost sank, and that each time it was the thought of those she would leave behind that kept her floating.

His talk with her had had a much greater effect on him than Pinako's or even Hughes' ever had and he suspected that was because she felt the same as him, her words were those of empathy rather than those of disgust like Pinako's or those or sympathy like Hughes'. He had had only a couple more relapses after that one, the first being as he lay on the cold hard ground in a mine in Baschool, impaled by a metal beam. He remembered thinking how easy it would have been just to let go and bleed out, everyone he cared about would be none the wiser, thinking that he died just because of his wounds, not because he had given up.

The thought of his brother remaining eternally trapped in that suit of armour brought him back that time, and he fought back, shaving a few decades off his life just so that Al could eventually get his back. The last time had been not long after the events of the Promised Day when he, absolutely destroyed by losing his brother entirely, had found Pinako's gun again. To his shock, horror and disgust it was Winry who had found him that time, and the look on her face when she saw him, gun propped in his mouth, would haunt him until the end of living days and night. It was almost enough to make him pull the trigger right then and there, right in front of her, just so that he would never see it again.

They had had a long talk that night, with Edward finally and tearfully opening up about the horrible guilt he had been feeling ever since performing that transmutation with his brother. Of course Winry tried her best to counter every point that Ed raised, telling him how Al had never once blamed him, nor had she. She had tried so hard to make him realise that he wasn't a monster, she had been so damn supportive and caring and… _loving_ that it almost made Edward tell her about what he had been feeling for her ever since she had delivered that baby in Rush Valley. But he hadn't, because hearing her speak so convincingly of her firm belief that he wasn't the scum of the earth was so heartwarming to him that he couldn't stop her and make her realise how wrong she was. Because how could she not when she learnt that he had tainted their friendship with thoughts of love and lust towards her?

It wasn't long after that when those strange memories flashed through his mind, memories that certainly weren't his own, memories of how to retrieve a life from Truth without having to sacrifice anyone else's. While he would gladly sacrifice his own life for Al there were two things stopping him from doing that, firstly he knew that it would break his brother's heart when he learnt what happened, and secondly and most importantly, he had a feeling that Truth would agree with him in that his own life wasn't worth anyone else's, and certainly not his brother's.

Edward was finally brought out of his increasingly morbid thoughts when he realised that he was standing before the threshold to the women's barracks. He nervously raised his right hand before lowering it again; thinking that perhaps the sound of his metal fist would be a little loud to the girls within. His mind fumbled as he tried to come up with a suitable greeting to whoever would open the door. Yes, as much as it pained him to admit it, Edward Elric did not know how to talk to girls, the only girl he had ever spent time with that was his own age was Winry, and despite her rather obvious feminine charms she had always been a sort of tomboy, so Edward was comfortable enough with her, at least when he wasn't thinking about where the hell those pillows on her chest had popped up from.

It was no secret amongst his acquaintances that Edward could be quite rude and antisocial to all people, including girls and women. But most of the women he knew in Amestris were old enough to be his mother so they really didn't care. Lan Fan and Mei didn't really count since the former wasn't friends with _anyone_ and the latter was just too young and innocent to be offended by him.

Edward sighed, Alphonse had always been better at this than him, his brother could charm the birds out of the sky if he wanted to, he managed capture the hearts of both Julia and Mei and they didn't even know what he really looked like. All Edward had done was make Rose and Winry cry, so, his disastrous track record with girls his own age clear in his mind he raised his hand, his left one this time, and gently knocked on the wooden door.

A few seconds of muffled arguing and then a "Why do I have to get it?" resonated through the wood before the door swung open revealing a, in his opinion, freakishly tall and slender tanned girl with freckles dusting her cheeks, somehow emphasizing her narrow eyes. As soon as she saw him a wide, teasing smile that Edward really didn't like the look of spread across her face. "U-uhmm… Would you mind getting Winry for me please?" asked Edward in what he thought was a very polite tone. ' _Maybe I'm not too bad at this'_ he thought triumphantly.

That was before the tall girl cooed and bent down to pinch his cheeks which grew fiercely red at her words, "Awww, has the gallant hero come to check on his damsel in distress?" she said teasingly, "Oh my, look at those cheeks, you could roast a leg of lamb on those!" she exclaimed far too joyfully. Edward growled as he purposefully slapped away her hands with his metal arm causing her to wince slightly in surprise. "Dammit freckles! I just wanna talk to her! Will you just go get her for me?" he shouted rudely. ' _Well that didn't take long,'_ he thought as he realised he had already screwed up his polite impression with these girls.

"Fullmetal!" he heard a strong and _very_ angry voice yell out and his eyes widened considerably as he beheld the charging bears that were Olivier _fucking_ Armstrong and his old teacher Izumi. Was he that bad with girls?! So bad that he was now going to get beaten up by the least womanly women he knew? These thoughts flashed through his mind rapidly as he realised that he didn't really care why they were angry at him, what he did care about was not getting his ass handed to him in front of all these girls his own age, especially Winry.

So, his sage wisdom that he had displayed during his chat with Eren finally kicking in, the golden haired alchemist opted for the smart and only way out, "Oh fuck!" yelled before spinning and hightailing it out of there. The sun had set completely now so he could only see by the light of the moon and the lamps highlighting the entrance to the various buildings scattered around the training camp. Light was bad, light meant they could see him, so he darted towards the forest, sprinting across the courtyard with a speed he would have been proud of had he the time to admire it. As it was though his time ran out as soon as he felt something heavy land on his back and force him to fall on his face. If only he hadn't spent all day running laps around camp, he might have been fit enough to escape then. Then again, Teacher had been running as well as she didn't seem any worse for wear as she fisted his hair and repeatedly slammed his face into the dusty ground.

It may have been some time after his fifth introduction to the ground (he wasn't really keeping count, who the hell would?) that he realised that this probably wasn't about his skill, or lack thereof, with talking to girls. It was too harsh a punishment for social awkwardness, no this must be about something else. Indeed as his old teacher finally felt he had become acquainted enough with the ground she pulled him by his hair before nailing him in the crotch with her knee. Far too harsh a punishment.

After Olivier introduced his bleeding nose and lips to her sword she began yelling at him, and suddenly everything became clear. "What the hell were you thinking Fullmetal?!" she yelled in outrage. "We planned that story as a last resort, in case we were forced to reveal our past! We didn't plan it so you could go show it off to a bunch of rookies! And why did you hurt that boy?! Are you so juvenile that you can't handle a few insults?!" If she had asked that question to the Edward before the Promised Day he might have replied that yes, he was that juvenile, what would you expect from a sixteen year old whose childhood ended when he was 5?

But she hadn't asked that Edward, she had asked the Edward now, the one after his altercation with a self-proclaimed god, and the simple truth was that he did not know what had happened in the mess hall. As soon as Jean had laid his hand on his shoulder and threatened him, a shirtless man with long flowing gold hair flashed into his mind, along with that mad-eyed gold toothed doctor flicking a strange syringe holding a horribly familiar red liquid. Along with the images came an indescribable rage, anger so powerful that it flooded his body, constricting his bones and shuddering through his muscles. Time seemed to stand still for him and he could see everything, every goddamn detail in that room; the drops of soup left in his tin, the tiny ants carrying off a few stray bits of bread crumbs, the faint sheen of sweat coating everyone's skin in the hot summer's night, the chapped wick of the nails on the hand that grasped his shoulder.

Every small detail screamed at him, demanding his attention, creating a world so vibrant inside that dull sweaty mess hall that he couldn't help but marvel at it. But that horrible rage never left him and he turned his head slightly to view Jean from the corner of his eye. The unmoving boy had his teeth gritted, obviously anticipating a scuffle with the golden haired alchemist. His eyes were widened, the red blood vessels pulsating clearly, his lips were pulled back revealing his teeth, a look of warning, a look of threat. And suddenly Edward saw clearly how to beat him and just like that time returned to normal, and Jean's face was in Ed's soup tin. A few seconds later and the loud snap that was Jean's arm being dislocated echoed not only through the mess hall, but also around Edward's skull, and just like that his anger fled.

That wasn't the first time that had happened, punching the commandant had been under similar situations, that palpable rage flowing through his body, fueling molten hate into his veins and steel-clad nerves. And even back in Amestris there had been several spikes of anger and each time they were preceded by those images of the golden haired man and the gold-toothed doctor. Sometimes there were more images; an older man with long hair and a golden beard, screaming about immortality and betrayal, a middle-aged but pretty woman and a small boy that looked like Pride. But the worst ones were the many thousands of screaming people, too many to single out, too overwhelming to try.

But Edward couldn't tell Olivier and his old teacher about those, they'd think him crazy, say that he shouldn't be here, call him a monster… He had a faint idea what was happening to him and it terrified him, what if he had one of these spikes when he was with his brother? Or heaven forbid Winry? There were many things Edward would never forgive himself for, transmuting his mother and killing his brother, Maes Hughes' murder, Nina, lying to Teacher about his intentions of learning alchemy, letting Ling absorb Greed, letting Julia swallow a philosopher's stone… and making Winry cry… He wasn't sure he could add hurting Winry to that list without finally diving off his boat and plunging into the waters of despair.

No, Edward couldn't tell his companions and, dare he say, friends what was wrong with him. He wouldn't be able to look at Winry's face of disgust, or hear Alphonse's disappointed voice, he definitely wouldn't be able to stand there and listen to them call him a monster, he knew he was one, but the only thing keeping him going these days was their firm, naïve belief that he wasn't one. So he lied, "What's the big deal anyway?" he said in reply to Olivier's interrogating, "It would have come out anyway, so why not tell them now? Let them know not to mess with us! Did you ever think that the best way to avoid unwanted attention is to make them too afraid of us to even think about involving themselves in our personal affairs?"

Olivier snarled and reared her sheathed sword back ready to bring it across his face again before pausing, and Edward knew he had got her. He knew she was no stranger to the effects of fear; it was basically how she ruled the fortress of Briggs. A few more seconds passed before the fierce blonde woman sighed and let her sword fall, "You raise a valid point Fullmetal," she said reluctantly before snapping her fiery eyes back up and slamming the pommel of her sword into his solar plexus.

He fell to the ground, gasping and retching, his throat clutching what little air to be found only to expel it before he could inhale it. "You shouldn't have attacked that boy though," the blond woman said calmly as she wiped his blood and spittle from the end of her scabbard onto his red cloak, "It's one thing to sow fear, it's another thing entirely to abuse it." She then shoved her sword back into her belt before nodding at the braided woman behind Edward, who gave him one last kick in the side for good measure before stepping over him and following Armstrong back to their barracks.

It took a few seconds for the golden haired alchemist to regain his breath and once he did he stood up and spat, wiping away what blood remained around his mouth and nose afterwards. Suddenly the golden haired man flashed through his mind and red sparks echoed off his skin and his muscles clenched, painfully crushing his bones and he almost fell to his knees, screaming in pain. His heartbeat was loud, way too loud, and way too uneven. It threatened to burst out his chest, not in the romantic sense, but rather the gory fatalistic sense, it literally felt like his lungs were being pushed apart and his ribcage was creaking, stretching as far as it could without actually killing him, all so that his heart could leap out.

And his ports, he had thought getting his nerves reattached was painful, but _this…_ the metal tubes that snaked their way through his flesh shoulder and upper leg might have well been made of molten lava, or liquid nitrogen. He was sure his flesh must be searing, smoking as it crackled against those horrible metal prosthetics. He expected to see smoke and smell the unforgettable stench of burning flesh, he had smelt it before, when Mustang had roasted that corpse that was meant to be Second Lieutenant Maria Ross, or when Mustang had roasted all those mannequin soldiers… or when Mustang had continuously roasted Envy… why was his Colonel so violent?

To his surprise there was no scent of melting skin, or smoke rising through his clothes. Suddenly that rage returned, only so so _so_ much more powerful than ever before. Images of racing after the two women flashed through his mind, followed by screaming voices, flashing steel, metal digits gouging sky blue eyes out, pulling braids so hard the skin attached to it ripped off, ceaseless raining of steel fists upon a freckled face, ripping earrings and studs out leaving behind bloody crevasses in cartilage. Many more horrifying images raced by, each one more sickening than the last, each one making half of him want to scream in horror, and the other half yell out in sadistic glee.

He could feel that half take control, the half that wasn't him, _couldn't_ be him, _oh god please don't let it be him!_ He could feel that half control and will his body to take that first step over the edge of insanity and carnage. Through some miracle his body did not obey that evil half, that _wrathful_ hate, as if it had a will of its own it held back, just long enough for Edward, the real Edward, to seize control of it again. As soon as he did though, the immense pain of his ports searing his flesh, of his heart trying to rip itself out of his ribcage, tripled and he screamed in agony, barely registering that he had somehow ended up surrounded by trees.

He felt hot tears carve down his face, no, they were too thick to be tears. He reached up to wipe some of them away and was shocked to find his white glove smeared in red, he was _crying blood_! Suddenly he realised that could he feel more burning crimson ooze from his eyes, his nose, his ears, eventually a torrent of it erupted from his mouth, spraying out and drenching his hands as he tried pathetically to hold it in. He retched, a horrid combination of bile and blood scalding his throat and mouth on its way outside his body and onto a nearby tree. Eventually he collapsed onto the ground next to the tree he had just painted red with his insides, severe blood loss draining away the last vestiges of his consciousness, his last lingering thoughts revolving around how much he deserved this, death by puking his guts out was more than he could have ever asked for, more than he had a right to ask for.

* * *

 **So there we are, seems Edward's got a serious self-loathing issue. In all seriousness though this is how I always wanted to portray him. I wonder if any of you can guess what's wrong with him, all I will tell you is that his 'ailment' will play an absolutely pivotal role in this story.**

 **Please R &R and tell me what you think.**

 **Until next time.**

 **-SwallowTheSun**


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